Yesterday, I went to an engagement of my parents' close friendly friends' daughter in PC...It was almost like a wedding, infact even more elaborate, but without the bride going away with the groom at the end of the function...And I wondered why they had to put this expensive show for a mere engagement...Afterall, an engagement is an engagement...It's not as set in stone as a nikah...Engagements have a greater tendency to get broken, especially if they get prolonged...Back in the old days, even if people got engaged, it was mostly an informal function, with only immediate family of the guy and girl being invited along with their closest friends...Nowadays, its considered a rasam of similar magnitude to a wedding...People plan for months beforehand, get a proper hotel hall booked, invite loads of guests, book a proper professional photographer, make a dress as elaborate and expensive as a bride's dress and get the full bridal makeup done...I don't want to give the impression of a sore party spoiler or anything...I know its their wealth and they can and should spend it as they wish...What if it was the brides erstwhile dream to have an engagement as grand as this since she started playing with dolls and dollhouses...Infact I myself believe wedding functions should be fun and memorable as they only usually happen once in a lifetime for most of us (unless you're an arab sheikh)...I just feel that people are unnecessarily making engagements a big deal...Thinking aloud: they are kinda a big deal but you know how our society follows a herd mentality...Already people in the middle class find it so expensive and difficult to finance a daughters marriage and with this trend of making engagements as big as a wedding would only add to their woes...Daughters are supposed to be the blessings of God...Infact the Holy Prophet (SAW) said: Whoever had three daughters and was patient on raising them, and clothed them from his substance, they would be a protection for him from the Hell fire. And on another occasion: Whoever has three daughters or three sisters and supports them will enter Heaven.
Sadly, for ordinary middle/lower class parents, all this pomp and show and herd mentality makes the weddings of their daughters/sisters (who are supposed to be blessings in their lives) seem more like a burden...And the sad fact is that 95% of our society comes under this category...This is one of the reasons why people in these classes prefer sons over daughters...Infact a friends' mother is a gynecologist and he was telling how the potential parents would get disappointed once they found out in the pre-natal scan, that the sex of the fetus was female...In India, many middle and lower middle class parents abort the baby once they discover that its a girl...This practice is so rampart that its threatening to massively impact the gender ratio of the next generation...So, in my mind, the chain of causation for such attitudes is the "dekha-dekhi" herd mentality that is indirectly imposed by the upper-classes onto society...They are the benchmarks after all...
On an ending note, May God's blessings be with the newly committed couple and may their union have all the happiness and good fortune in the world...Ameen!
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