New year resolution- Best use of time

"You should not neglect your time or use it haphazardly; on the contrary, you should bring yourself to account, structure your litanies and other practices during each day and night, and assign to each period a fixed and specific function. This is how to bring out the spiritual blessing [baraka] in each period.

But if you leave yourself adrift, aimlessly wandering as cattle do, not knowing how to occupy yourself at every moment, your time will be lost. It is nothing other than your life, and your life is the capital that you make use of to reach perpetual felicity in the proximity of Allah the Exalted. Each of your breaths is a priceless jewel, since each of them is irreplaceable and, once gone, can never be retrieved.

Do not be like the deceived fools who are joyous because each their wealth increases while their life shortens. What good is an increase in wealth when life grows even shorter? Therefore be joyous only for in increase in knowledge or in good works, for they are your two companions who will accompany you in your grave when your family, wealth, children, and friends stay behind."

- Imam Al-Ghazali

Winds of Change- New Year Song

Happy New Year!!!

My mind is going blank right now coz of the drowsy, dopey weather coupled with the over-eating i've done for dinner tonight...However, I couldn't sleep before wishing ya all an amazingly wonderfully bleesed and super duper zabardast new year...Let me make a collage of new year wishes that comes to mind/phone/google but before that its just my simple, sincere and heartfelt dua that all your wishes come true this year and that you are blessed with true, simple, plain, 100% pure happiness along with good health, prosperity and peace of mind Inshallah...In my dorky mathematical language that would roughly translate to 12 Months happiness, 52 weeks fun, 365 Days laughter, 8760 hrs good luck, 525600 Minutes joy and 31536000 seconds of success :)...

Like birds, let us, leave behind what we don’t need to carry… GRUDGES SADNESS PAIN FEAR and REGRETS.Life is beautiful, Enjoy it..OR in a more poetic fashion:

Keep the smile,
leave the tear,
Think of joy,
forget the fear,
Hold the laugh,
leave the pain,
Be joyous ,
Coz its new year!

OR

2010 is at the door…
Remember
Life is short, break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
love truly,
laugh uncontrollably,
and
never regret anything that made you smile.

AND I liked this prayer too:

May ALLAH make ur year a happy one!
Not by shielding you from all sorrows and pain,
But by strengthening you to bear it, as it comes;
Not by making your path easy,
But by making you sturdy to travel any path;
Not by taking hardships from you,
But by taking fear from your heart;
Not by granting you unbroken sunshine,
But by keeping your face bright, even in the shadows

May the love and protection of God Almighty be with you Always :). Happy 2010!!!

Ocean of My Dreams: A fusion of Rumi, Ibn Arabi & A. Yaseen

Imam Ghazali's last message

Imam Ghazali woke up one early morning and as usual offered his prayers and then enquired what day it was. His younger brother, Ahmad Ghazali replied, "Monday." He asked him to bring his white shroud, kissed it, stretched himself full length and saying "Lord, I obey willingly," breathed his last.

And underneath his headrest, they found the following verses; composed by him, probably during the night.

"Say to my friends, when they look upon me, dead
Weeping for me and mourning me in sorrow
Do not believe that this corpse you see is myself
In the name of God, I tell you, it is not I,
I am a spirit, and this is naught but flesh
It was my abode and my garment for a time.

I am a treasure, by a talisman kept hid,
Fashioned of dust, which served me as a shrine,
I am a pearl, which has left it's shell deserted,
I am a bird, and this body was my cage
Whence I have now flown forth and it is left as a token
Praise to God, who hath now set me free
And prepared for me my place in the highest of the heaven,
Until today I was dead, though alive in your midst.
Now I live in truth, with the grave - clothes discarded.

Today I hold converse with the saints above,
With no veil between, I see God face to face.

I look upon "Loh-i-Mahfuz" and there in I read
Whatever was and is and all that is to be.

Let my house fall in ruins, lay my cage in the ground,
Cast away the talisman, it is a token, no more
Lay aside my cloak, it was but my outer garment.

Place them all in the grave, let them be forgotten,
I have passed on my way and you are left behind
Your place of abode was no dwelling place for me.

Think not that death is death, nay, it is life,
A life that surpasses all we could dream of here,
While in this world, here we are granted sleep,
Death is but sleep, sleep that shall be prolonged
Be not frightened when death draweth night,
It is but the departure for this blessed home
Think of the mercy and love of your Lord,
Give thanks for His Grace and come without fear.

What I am now, even so shall you be
For I know that you are even as I am
The souls of all men come forth from God
The bodies of all are compounded alike
Good and evil, alike it was ours
I give you now a message of good cheer
May God's peace and joy for evermore be yours."


Links:
http://thewindsofmercy.googlepages.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7MBhVoTmTGU

Dont Tell My mother That I'm in Pakistan by Saira Khan

This is an amazing documentary on real Pakistan... I've lived in Pakistan for many years but some of the things that they've highlighted in this documentary, even I wasn't aware of them...Anyhow its an amazing journey from karachi to the north of Pakistan and helps to somewhat clear up the tainted violence riddled image of Pakistan as portrayed in the Western media...There is alot more to Pakistan than meets the eye...Waisay I think I should add a roadtrip or a rail journey from the south of Pakistan to the north in my bucketlist...Any takers??? Watch all the parts...The traditional music within the documentary's soundtrack is amazing as well :)...Enjoy karo tussi!!!


Part 1



Part 2



Part 3



Part 4



Part 5



Part 6



Part 7



Part 8



Part 9



Part 10



Part 11



Part 12

Quote of the day...

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else you are the one who gets burned.

-Buddha

Song of the day :)

Amazing composition by AR Rehman...I've been hooked onto this song for the past 12 hrs now...Amazing composition, amazing lyrics, absolutely perfect...For you non-punjabi's out there, here is the translation to the lyrics:

Mann chandre nu raas na aave, Na aave dharwaas
Jigar da sauda kyon kar baitha, mukadi jaandi aas
Je lut janda te lut janda dil, hauke kha ke chhup jaanda

Beparwah da ki kehna, Na aave dharwaas..
Jigar da sauda kyon kar baitha, mukadi jaandi aas..
Dard sataunda bedardaan nu, bedardaan da ki jaanda..
Dard sataunda bedardaan nu, bedardaan da ki jaanda..

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

Crazy heart neither gets satisfaction nor can afford..
Why it did the deal of heart, now even the hopes are dying..
Once heart is gone, its gone! It hides after crying..

What to say about heartless people, there is no relief..
Why it did the deal of heart, now even the hopes are dying..
Pain hurts and heartless have no regret about it..
Pain hurts and heartless have no regret about it..

Go kiss the world-Subroto Bagchi

This speech was delivered to the Class of 2006 at the IIM, Bangalore on defining success by Subroto Bagchi - CEO MindTree. Its slightly elongated, but carries keynotes in every paragraph. Read till the end to savor it.


I was the last child of a small-time government servant, in a family of five brothers. My earliest memory of my father is as that of a District Employment Officer in Koraput, Orissa. It was, and remains as back of beyond as you can imagine. There was no electricity; no primary school nearby and water did not flow out of a tap. As a result, I did not go to school until the age of eight; I was home-schooled. My father used to get transferred every year. The family belongings fit into the back of a jeep – so the family moved from place to place and without any trouble, my Mother would set up an establishment and get us going. Raised by a widow who had come as a refugee from the then East Bengal, she was a matriculate when she married my Father.

My parents set the foundation of my life and the value system, which makes me what I am today and largely, defines what success means to me today.

As District Employment Officer, my father was given a jeep by the government. There was no garage in the Office, so the jeep was parked in our house. My father refused to use it to commute to the office. He told us that the jeep is an expensive resource given by the government- he reiterated to us that it was not ”his jeep” but the government’s jeep. Insisting that he would use it only to tour the interiors, he would walk to his office on normal days.. He also made sure that we never sat in the government jeep – we could sit in it only when it was stationary.

That was our early childhood lesson in governance – a lesson that corporate managers learn the hard way, some never do.

The driver of the jeep was treated with respect due to any other member of my Father’s office. As small children, we were taught not to call him by his name. We had to use the suffix ‘dada’ whenever we were to refer to him in public or private. When I grew up to own a car and a driver by the name of Raju was appointed – I repeated the lesson to my two small daughters. They have, as a result, grown up to call Raju, ‘Raju Uncle’ – very different from many of their friends who refer to their family driver, as ‘my driver’. When I hear that term from a school- or college-going person, I cringe.

To me, the lesson was significant – you treat small people with more respect than how you treat big people. It is more important to respect your subordinates than your superiors.

Our day used to start with the family huddling around my Mother’s chulha – an earthen fire place she would build at each place of posting where she would cook for the family. There was neither gas, nor electrical stoves. The morning routine started with tea. As the brew was served, Father would ask us to read aloud the editorial page of The Statesman’s ‘muffosil’ edition – delivered one day late. We did not understand much of what we were reading. But the ritual was meant for us to know that the world was larger than Koraput district and the English I speak today, despite having studied in an Oriya medium school, has to do with that routine. After reading the newspaper aloud, we were told to fold it neatly. Father taught us a simple lesson.

He used to say, “You should leave your newspaper and your toilet, the way you expect to find it”. That lesson was about showing consideration to others. Business begins and ends with that simple precept.

Being small children, we were always enamored with advertisements in the newspaper for transistor radios – we did not have one. We saw other people having radios in their homes and each time there was an advertisement of Philips, Murphy or Bush radios, we would ask Father when we could get one. Each time, my Father would reply that we did not need one because he already had five radios – alluding to his five sons.

We also did not have a house of our own and would occasionally ask Father as to when, like others, we would live in our own house. He would give a similar reply,” We do not need a house of our own. I already own five houses”. His replies did not gladden our hearts in that instant.

Nonetheless, we learnt that it is important not to measure personal success and sense of well being through material possessions.

Government houses seldom came with fences. Mother and I collected twigs and built a small fence. After lunch, my Mother would never sleep. She would take her kitchen utensils and with those she and I would dig the rocky, white ant infested surrounding. We planted flowering bushes. The white ants destroyed them. My mother brought ash from her chulha and mixed it in the earth and we planted the seedlings all over again. This time, they bloomed. At that time, my father’s transfer order came. A few neighbors told my mother why she was taking so much pain to beautify a government house, why she was planting seeds that would only benefit the next occupant. My mother replied that it did not matter to her that she would not see the flowers in full bloom. She said, “I have to create a bloom in a desert and whenever I am given a new place, I must leave it more beautiful than what I had inherited”.

That was my first lesson in success. It is not about what you create for yourself, it is what you leave behind that defines success.

My mother began and galvanized the nation in to patriotic fervor. Other than reading out the newspaper to my mother, I had no clue about how I could be part of the action. So, after reading her the newspaper, every day I would land up near the University’s water tank, which served the community. I would spend hours under it, imagining that there could be spies who would come to poison the water and I had to watch for them. I would daydream about catching one and how the next day, I would be featured in the newspaper. Unfortunately for me, the spies at war ignored the sleepy town of Bhubaneswar and I never got a chance to catch one in action.. Yet, that act unlocked my imagination.

Imagination is everything. If we can imagine a future, we can create it, if we can create that future, others will live in it. That is the essence of success.

Over the next few years, my mother’s eyesight dimmed but in me she created a larger vision, a vision with which I continue to see the world and, I sense, through my eyes, she was seeing too. As the next few years unfolded, her vision deteriorated and she was operated for cataract. I remember, when she returned after her operation and she saw my face clearly for the first time, she was astonished. She said, “Oh my God, I did not know you were so fair”.. I remain mighty pleased with that adulation even till date. Within weeks of getting her sight back, she developed a corneal ulcer and, overnight, became blind in both eyes. That was 1969. She died in 2002. In all those 32 years of living with blindness, she never complained about her fate even once. Curious to know what she saw with blind eyes, I asked her once if she sees darkness. She replied, “No, I do not see darkness. I only see light even with my eyes closed”. Until she was eighty years of age, she did her morning yoga everyday, swept her own room and washed her own clothes.

To me, success is about the sense of independence; it is about not seeing the world but seeing the light.

Over the many intervening years, I grew up, studied, joined the industry and began to carve my life’s own journey. I began my life as a clerk in a government office, went on to become a Management Trainee with the DCM group and eventually found my life’s calling with the IT industry when fourth generation computers came to India in 1981.. Life took me places – I worked with outstanding people, challenging assignments and traveled all over the world.

In 1992, while I was posted in the US, I learnt that my father, living a retired life with my eldest brother, had suffered a third degree burn injury and was admitted in the Safderjung Hospital in Delhi. I flew back to attend to him – he remained for a few days in critical stage, bandaged from neck to toe. The Safderjung Hospital is a cockroach infested, dirty, inhuman place. The overworked, under-resourced sisters in the burn ward are both victims and perpetrators of dehumanized life at its worst. One morning, while attending to my Father, I realized that the blood bottle was empty and fearing that air would go into his vein, I asked the attending nurse to change it. She bluntly told me to do it myself. In that horrible theater of death, I was in pain and frustration and anger. Finally when she relented and came, my Father opened his eyes and murmured to her, “Why have you not gone home yet?” Here was a man on his deathbed but more concerned about the overworked nurse than his own state. I was stunned at his stoic self.

There I learnt that there is no limit to how concerned you can be for another human being and what the limit of inclusion is you can create.

My father died the next day. He was a man whose success was defined by his principles, his frugality, his universalism and his sense of inclusion.

Above all, he taught me that success is your ability to rise above your discomfort, whatever may be your current state. You can, if you want, raise your consciousness above your immediate surroundings. Success is not about building material comforts – the transistor that he never could buy or the house that he never owned. His success was about the legacy he left, the memetic continuity of his ideals that grew beyond the smallness of a ill-paid, unrecognized government servant’s world.

My father was a fervent believer in the British Raj. He sincerely doubted the capability of the post-independence Indian political parties to govern the country. To him, the lowering of the Union Jack was a sad event. My Mother was the exact opposite. When Subhash Bose quit the Indian National Congress and came to Dacca, my mother, then a schoolgirl, garlanded him. She learnt to spin khadi and joined an underground movement that trained her in using daggers and swords. Consequently, our household saw diversity in the political outlook of the two. On major issues concerning the world, the Old Man and the Old Lady had differing opinions.

In them, we learnt the power of disagreements, of dialogue and the essence of living with diversity in thinking.

Success is not about the ability to create a definitive dogmatic end state; it is about the unfolding of thought processes, of dialogue and continuum.

Two years back, at the age of eighty-two, Mother had a paralytic stroke and was lying in a government hospital in Bhubaneswar. I flew down from the US where I was serving my second stint, to see her. I spent two weeks with her in the hospital as she remained in a paralytic state. She was neither getting better nor moving on. Eventually I had to return to work. While leaving her behind, I kissed her face. In that paralytic state and a garbled voice, she said,

“Why are you kissing me, go kiss the world.” Her river was nearing its journey, at the confluence of life and death, this woman who came to India as a refugee, raised by a widowed Mother, no more educated than high school, married to an anonymous government servant whose last salary was Rupees Three Hundred, robbed of her eyesight by fate and crowned by adversity was telling me to go and kiss the world!

Success to me is about Vision. It is the ability to rise above the immediacy of pain. It is about imagination. It is about sensitivity to small people. It is about building inclusion. It is about connectedness to a larger world existence. It is about personal tenacity. It is about giving back more to life than you take out of it. It is about creating extra-ordinary success with ordinary lives.

Thank you very much; I wish you good luck and God’s speed. Go! kiss the world.

Why are Pakistani men the way they are...An analysis

A friend once asked me why are 99.8% men (referring to Pakistani men in particular) jerks? Why are they riddled with an almost inherent sence of superiority viz-a-viz women? Why are they so big-headed? Why do they think so little of women, as if women have been sent to this world merely to serve them,to be subservient, obedient, as objects of their pleasure devoid of any independent thinking, enterprise or existence as equal human beings? Why do they look at women as mere re-prodcutive baby machines whose sole purpose is to bring their offsprings to this world? Why don't they respect women and treat them on the same footing as they would treat their fellow males? Why is it that in Pakistan even the so-called "well-educated" men act the same way around women as an illiterate village male, beset with the same thinking and mind-set even though education is supposed to liberate them from such biases and negative frame of mind(s)? Why are men players and flirts who play with women's hearts and minds only to later leave them in the lurch when they have had their way? Why isn't fidelity and loyalty difficult for men to adhere to? The list of questions goes on...To understand all this we have to look at the role and upbringing of a Pakistani male from several different perspectives: Socio-cultural, religious, psychological and other such dynamics that factor into the sum total of what makes a "Pakistani male"...

It all starts from the point when a woman is expecting a baby...Even now, even today, the way a Pakistani girl is brought up, she feels a certain honour and pride in giving birth to a baby boy...The in-laws and even the parents of the girl would boast with pride the fact that their daughter has given birth to a boy...The birth of a boy is nothing short of a celebration with the family distributing sweets throughout the neighbourhood and amongst the relatives...In contrast, the birth of a girl is a more somber occasion to the extent that in some segments of society it is marked by a sence of disappointment...The reason for this reaction is our cultural mindset...Male offsrpings are considered a source of pride and honour...Females are generally considered "paraii" i.e. someone who would ultimately, in a few years time leave the parents home after she is married...In economic terms, and due to cultural reasons, she is considered a liability, a burden, as she wouldn't be there to serve the parents in their old age or support them financially as the males are expected to do...As Pakistan is predominately a rural, semi-rural society where males are considered to be valuable additions who would help the father in a few years time to till the fields or run some family business or trade, therefore their future role becomes precious...Similarly, due to the same cultural mindset, females are by default expected to do the menial chores of the house i.e. jharoo pooncha (cleaning), cooking, sewing and looking after the day to day workings of the household...As a result, their education isn't given the same importance as the males education...The mindset here being: She will be doing the same chores for her in-laws as well, so why spend hard-earned money on her education when the things she will do are such low-skilled? In addition, our society has all these outdated traditions of dowries, high-fi weddings which make her eventual "wedding" such a big burden on parents...So from the on-set, from the very first moment the parents are told by the doctors that they are the parents of a girl, they feel this huge responsibility on their heads...This in a way explains why parents in Pakistan or even India prefer male offsprings...Understanding this is very important as it would explain how their upbringing of males differs from females...

I have noticed in so many households...A mother would give a bigger portion of food to her boys...Boys would be served before...I know these are simple gestures...Perhaps the mothers do it subconsciously but the subliminal messages it sends to the male growing up is that he is in some way "better" or "superior" than the females...Other simple gestures...Brothers would ask their sisters or order their sisters to get them water or something from the kitchen...Mothers would re-iterate this by saying: jao bhai kailiyay paani lao...I know it might be out of respect and all but I've never seen these orders being repeated in the vice-versa...I've not seen brothers getting water for their sisters with the same frequency...I've never seen brothers cleaning the dishes...Similarly, parents would always get planes, cars, action figures as toys for boys but I've seen three sisters being raised up and all the toys they ever got were dolls, doll houses, tea sets, doctor sets, toy dishes and cooking sets etc...So even in the upbringing stage, parents and society in general define the gender roles...I know it happens in the west too...In Pakistan, it is always the set case...Its as if parents are already ingraining this in the psyche of their girls that their role would be as housekeepers and in a way subservient to males...Even when it comes to the stage of education, girls would be generally encouraged to take careers that are seen as
customary for women i.e. fields like home-economics, interior designing, even medical profession or teaching etc...In Pakistan, the ratio of males to females is quite distorted when it comes to main bread and butter professions like engineering, accounting, science etc...I've seen so many intelligent female collegues who got admissions into foreign universities, yet they weren't "allowed" to go even though their brothers were studying abroad...Their parents just didn't think it worthwhile for different reasons but I think the primary ones were that they couldn't be trusted lest they become excessively westernized OR the simple fact that any future proposals would question the character of a girl who has studied and spent 4-5 years of her life in a "Godless western country"...The differences start here, right in the very households that Pakistani males and females are raised in...Sometimes, they are subtle, yet with the preferential treatment accorded to the males always makes them think they are superior or special and the reverse might be true for the female offsprings who resign to this treatment as a "norm" of society and have no choice but to surrender to it...

Another major reason that males use for their attitudes is with reference to religion...Here, they are brainwashed by our very favourite mullah's and religious clergymen who miquote and mis-interpret injunctions from the Quran and Sunnah to justify their mis-treatment of women...They point at different things like the fact that the authenticity of one male witness is equivalent to two female witnesses...That in haqeeqa, two goats are slaughtered for a baby boy whereas only one for a baby girl...They even use the 4 marriages allowed to a man as a sword sticking over the poor girls' head...They even somehow find justification for restricting female education or to taboo females working in mixed workplaces...I've even heard of mullah's mis-interpreting the Hadith that men are allowed to beat women (which if you discuss with any proper Islamic scholar is not the case)...They even justify physical abuse to wives somehow...They somehow find ways to raise the status of a husband to that of a demi-god whose every need and whim should be obediently and silently fulfilled by a woman at all costs and in most cases at the cost of her self-respect and dignity...Some even go as far as quoting that more women than men would be in hellfire in order to justify the fact that women are inferior...However, if you read Islamic texts carefully and interpret it in proper light that isn't the case...Infact according to my understanding, Islam was the first religion to liberate women and to elevate her status in every way, spiritually, economically and as perfect counterparts to men...Just read these Quranic verses and they speak for themselves about the spiritual equality of men and women, of the fact that in God's Ultimate justice, believing men and women would be accorded equal rewards, without any gender discrimination...

“He created you from a single being; then of the same kind made
its mate.” (39:7)

“He has made for you mates of your own kind.” (42:12)

“O mankind, be mindful of your duty to your Lord, Who created
you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from the
two created and spread many men and women. “(4:2)

“He it is Who has created you from a single soul and made there
from its mate, so that the male might incline towards the female
and find comfort in her.” (7:190)

“Of His Signs it is that He has created mates for you of your own
kind that you may find peace of mind through them, and He has
put love and tenderness between you. In that surely are Signs for a
people who reflect.” (30:22)

“For men who submit themselves wholly to Allah, and women
who submit themselves wholly to Him and men who believe and
women who believe, and men who obey Allah and women who
obey Him, and men who are truthful and women who are
truthful, and men who are steadfast and women who are
steadfast, and men who are humble and women who are humble,
and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who
fast and women who fast, and men who guard their chastity and
women who guard their chastity, and men who remember Allah
much and women who remember Him, Allah has prepared
forgiveness and a great reward.” (33:36)

“Allah will turn in mercy to believing men and believing women;
Allah is Most Forgiving, Ever Merciful.” (33:74)

“Whoso does good whether male or female, and is a believer, shall
enter Paradise and they shall not be wronged a whit.” (4:125)
“Of the believers whoso acts righteously, whether male or female,
We will surely grant such a one a pure life; and We will certainly
reward them according to the measure of the best of their works.”
(16:98)
“Whoso does good, whether male or female, and is a believer, these
will enter the Garden; they will be provided therein without
measure.” (40:41)

“The believers, men and women, are friends one of another. They
enjoin good and forbid evil and observe Prayer and pay the
Zakat, and obey Allah and His Messenger. It is these on whom
Allah will have mercy. Surely, Allah is Mighty, Wise. Allah has
promised the believers, men and women, Gardens beneath which
rivers flow, wherein they will abide, and delightful dwelling
places in Gardens of Eternity, and the pleasure of Allah, which is
the greatest bounty of all. That is the supreme triumph.” (9:71-
72)

“That He may admit the believers, men and women, into
Gardens beneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide, and
that He may remove their ills from them; that, in the estimation
of Allah, is the supreme triumph.” (48:6)

“Their Lord would answer their supplication. I will not suffer the
work of any worker from among you, male or female, to perish.
You are spiritually akin one to another.” (3:196)

Similary, the Sayings of the Holy Prophet (PBUH) have accorded similar respect, honour and status to women...Its a pity that when the mullahs' quote the ahadith, they overlook, perhaps deliberately these ones:

Mu’awiah ibn Haidah relates: I asked the Holy Prophet: What
is the right of a wife against her husband? He said: Feed her
when you feed yourself, cloth her when you cloth yourself, do
not strike her on her face, do not revile her and do not separate
yourself from her except inside the house. (Abu Daud)

Abu Hurairah relates that the Holy Prophet said: The most
perfect of believers in the matter of faith is he whose behaviour
is best, and the best of you are those who behave best towards
their wives. (Tirmizi)

Abdullah ibn Amr ibn ‘As relates that the Holy Prophet said:
The world is but a provision and the best provision of the
world is a good woman. (Muslim)

Infact Islam was the first religion which accorded women the right of inheriting property from their husbands and fathers...Islam was the first religion that gave women the protection of "haq mehar" which is a kind of endowment which a man must make to his wife at the time of his marriage based on his means...The injunction is so strict that if at the time of the husband's death any amount of mehar is still unpaid, it is to be settled from the estate of the husband as a debt on an a-priori basis which means before settling any other debt or distribution of wealth to the heirs...I can go on and on about this and perhaps I might someday delve into all these matters in a bit more detail when I myself am a little more knowledgeable but the whole point of mentioning all this was the fact that the religion of Islam in essence treats women with the greatest of respect and accords due honour and dignity to her status as a mother, daughter,sister, wife...It safeguards her rights and gives her perfect equality when it comes to the rewards of the hereafter...There are no two ways about it...Sadly, our mullahs brainwash the males with selectively chosen verses, ahadith etc and mis-interpret them out of context and proportion to subjugate the role of women...I think it is the age old way of merely controlling women and imposing dominance...It has nothing to do with the word of God or the conduct of our Holy Propeht (PBUH)...

I think I might have already discussed the psychological factors which make men act the way they are in an earlier post...A woman who thinks independently, who questions them, who is strong willed comes in direct conflict with their ego's...I've seen so many instances where guys have rejected girls (when their mothers showed them as future matches) just because she was way too bright (had excelled academically) or because she was more qualified than them...The reason was simple...They thought that such women wouldn't need them as much or wouldn't be as dependent or easily controllable...They feared that she would start earning more than them and this would be "unmanly" or would make them the laughing stock in their fellow male company...I think sometimes even mothers of the guys have a role to play in this...Mothers don't want their sons to get married to some over-ambitious or extra smart girl as she would directly challenge the saas as the female head of the house and disturb the so called frail balance of power...They think that an educated girl would take their sons away from the mom's...Its all way too complex, this saas bahu game if you ask me but it surely plays a role in screwing with the male's thinking as well...The maa ka laadla, or maa ka bacha thinks he is some prince charming who can get any girl just because he his ego has been inflated by an over-affectionate mom and in some cases dad or sisters as well...The result is that the man always thinks he will get a "yes sir" or "ji jaan" type girl who compromises everything for him...

Society and the herd mentality also makes things worse...Haven't you heard this adage so many times in Pakistani male coversations: "Hassi tay phassi"...They think any sign of normal conversation with a girl in which she smiles or acts normal and talks with you like a normal human being would by default mean that she is "interested romantically" in that person...I lived in a hostel and soooo many times guys would just come and boast that such and such girl smiled at them or talked freely with them...They thought it was a done deal and the girl was all lovey dovey over them while in reality the girl just tried to be civilized and "normal"...It is with such mindsets that guys objectify women and oogle, tarofy them in the bazar's and markets of Pakistan...Its simply due to this massive mis-understanding on their part that you can have a serious, friendly, even platonic and intellectual discussion with a girl without her having any romantic interest in you whatsoever...The bollywood/hollywood movies also make things worse with every tom, dick, harry and maja saja thinking that a girl could fall head over heels in a matter of a conversation, a smile and oh our very favourite "loveee at first sight" bullshit...Its not that simple or straightforward and all this simply acts as a repellent...Its a vicious cycle...Guys start acting like these bollywood heroes and scare the girls out of any normal intellectual contact with guys...So girls develop this self protective shell whereby they simply shun any sort of contact with guys lest they mistake any of their motives or get over-excited and carried away...The more girls become elusive and hard to talk to, the greater they become mysteries for guys and again this fuels their fantasies and again they are encouraged to take the cheapo routes...Perhaps, the theory is right for desi people: a guy and girl can never be friends or have platonic relationships EVER...Our mindsets, our society is still not ready for that...I think cable, mobile phones and bollywood have also fuelled this matter and made Pakistani guys think they are all shahrukh khan's or something...

Well, that was my personal analysis aimed to gain an understanding of the species homo-pakistanius-mard-us...I don't think they will ever get extinct...However I do hope that someday they will evolve...The way forward to that is to simply respect women and treat them like any normal human being who has dreams, ambitions, a brain, a heart and most importantly honour and dignity like them...If they stick to the true ideals and teachings of Islam, I'm sure they will find in women perfect companions, friends, wives etc...After all someone said if life was akin to a cycle, women and men would be the two wheels to that cycle and the only way that cycle can complete its journey through all the bumps and pitholes would be if they are equally balanced and in perfect harmony...Wait a minute: I think I just made that analogy up but you do still get the point, right?



Timecheck: 5:52 am *yawns*

Song of the day (:

Nice article...

http://blog.dawn.com/2009/12/17/pakistan%E2%80%99s-new-media-dictionary/

Einstein's quotes...

* "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
* "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
* "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
* "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
* "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
* "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
* "The only real valuable thing is intuition."
* "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
* "I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
* "God is subtle but he is not malicious."
* "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."
* "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
* "The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."
* "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
* "Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
* "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
* "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
* "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
* "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
* "Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."
* "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
* "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
* "God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically."
* "The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."
* "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
* "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
* "The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible."
* "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
* "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
* "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
* "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
* "Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity."
* "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
* "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
* "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
* "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
* "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
* "In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep."
* "The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."
* "Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves."
* "Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
* "No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
* "My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
* "Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."
* "The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."
* "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
* "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
* "A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
* "The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."
* "Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
* "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
* "One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year."
* "...one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought."
* "He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."
* "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
* "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)

Copyright: Kevin Harris 1995 (may be freely distributed with this acknowledgement)

Urdu Telefilms- The new holiday season addiction

Interesting one: Tum sai Kaisay Kahoon

zSHARE video - TumSeKeyaKahoun.wmv.flv

Tagged, you're IT, AGAIN!!!

This one is just for fun and laughs...I won't compel anyone to do it unless they want to...No pressure :p

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Lol...No, actually, I wasn't named after any relatives recommendations.My dad liked the name recommended by an Arab colleague in his workplace and decided to give me that name...Otherwise I might have been named Yousuf or Salman if my grandparents could have their way...This was a decent compromise I think.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
When I heard the news of the suicide bombing of the army mosque in pindi :'(

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Not at ALL!!! I haven't met a single person yet who hasn't given the comment: "Dude, you have terrible writing" or "Do you write with your feet"...Sometimes, even I can't read my own scribbles...You can well imagine how terrible it would be

4. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Ofcourse...We'd be the best of pals and full time jiggars...Now don't think I'm conceited or anything...Me, myself and I love each other :P

5. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
I live and breathe on sarcasm but do make a point to not over-do it too much...

6. HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS? (REALISTICALLY PLEASE)
Well...Hopefully in a warmer, more temprate climate, fully qualified and done with studies and in a relatively stable well-paying job, closer to my family and friends and hopefully a better human being than I am right now Inshallah subject to zindagi or as they say bashart-e-zindagi

7. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Hmmm...Sochain gai...dekhain gai...ermm irada karain gai...pehlay sab behnon ki shadi karaloon, phir aisay risk loon ga...lol...jk, all my friends are scary cats...If only I could have one courageous jiggar here, I would do it tomorrow, infact, right now :P

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Kellogg's Crunchy Nuts

9. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Haha...nope...Usually I don't wear shoes with laces, at least not at work...But if I do, I don't quite untie em before taking em off...Too lazy for that

10. WOULD YOU MOVE AGAIN?
If the question is concerning moving again to this place i.e. pardes i.e. bartaaniya, then my answer would be not unless I'm forcefully exiled...If the question means moving again in general, then, yes I would definitely move to a more Islamic country either in the Middle East or back home.

11. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their eyes, their smile...aur haan larkiyon ko tau zaida dair nahi tarra ja sakta na...pehli nazar kai baad nazrain jhuka laini chahiyay...so i try not to blink...buhahahaha...

12. RED OR PINK?
Why not blue or black, my fav colours...Since I'm not such a big pink fan, I'd go with Red for this one

13. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I can be lazy to an annoying extent...I've been meaning to clean my room since the past 2 weeks and its an utter mess yet I'm too lazy to clean it even now..Sometimes I don't prioritize things properly...Sometimes I go a bit overboard in teasing someone without knowing that I've crossed the limits and someone might be offended...Sometimes, I get totally disconnected with religion and have moments when I don't pray as I should...

14. WHAT DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My Friends and Family, my hostel life, my childhood days, the crows and chiryaan of Pakistan, the hustle and bustle of Pakistan, Pablo Neruda :)

15. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Yes. That's an order. No ifs or buts. This would be fun ya know :P

16. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
Faded blue jeans and no shoes as I'm sitting at home in a carpeted room

17. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The song that I just posted on my blog: "Sometimes love ain't enough"...Heck no, I'm not girly or gay...I just have an "eclectic taste"...Sab kuch sun laita hoon :P

18. WHAT ANNOYS YOU THE MOST?
Hmmm...Two faced people who say something about a thing on your face and then talk behind your back...People who are matlabi and come to you only when in need...People who make a mole out of a mountain...People who try to impose their ideology onto others and think they are superior...People who exhibition and show off their wealth...Godlessness...This whole suicide bombing and terrorism business annoys me greatly...

19. FAVORITE SMELL?
I don't know much about girl's fragrances but as far as male perfumes go, I love the following in no particular order:
1) Aqua di Geo by Armani
2) Davidoff Cool Water
3) Hugo Boss XY
4) Ralph Lauren Polo Sports
5) Carolina Herrera 212
and I've been told by a friend that Paco Rabanne Ultraviolet is the best men's fragrance out there...I have yet to sample it so I cannot say for sure...BUT...It can be a nice idea for a gift...innit!?!?

20. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Talked to my dad just a few hours ago

21. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Lol...No comments

22. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Poondi, the most popular sport in Pakistan...So yeah...buhahahaha...naa, jk, recently I've fallen in love with tennis but being a Pakistani guy I am obliged to love watching cricket by default as well :)

23. HAIR COLOR?
Black

24. EYE COLOR?
Dark Brown

25. DO YOU HAVE ANY MAJOR REGRETS?
No regrets whatsoever. Everything happens for a reason. Each experience helps us to learn from life and hence mature up.

26. FAVORITE FOOD?
Haha...I can make a whole list that would fill up hundreds of pages. So, i think lets go with the rules of exclusion and just list the things I don't like:
1) Karelay
2) Shaljam
3) Teenday
4) Siri Paye
5) Taka Tak
6) Bakra-mutton and all its associated organs i.e. kaleji, dil, gurda, maghaz, ojhri etc
7) Squid (tried it in an italian restaurant..It was called Kalamari and I had to control myself from puking)
8) Sushi i.e Kachi machli

27. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Why not a scary movie with a happy ending?

28. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED, AND WITH WHOM?
Avatar. With Friends (totally hopeless movie...don't waste your time and money watching it)

29. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A beige/skin coloured shirt with blue horizontal strips

30. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summers in UK and Winters in Pak

31. HUGS OR KISSES?
Lolz...Both...The more the merrier...jk!!! ;)

34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Excel for auditors...For auditors by auditors...boring haina?!?!

35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
No mouse pad...I'm using the touchpad of my laptop

36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Geo News and Capital Talk...I know I have the TV choice of a typical pakiatani uncle

37.WHAT LITTLE THING MAKES YOU HAPPY?
The twittering of birds,the sun coming out on a dull winter day, snowfall, discovering an amazing new song, making someone smile :)

38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles

39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
I am currently 4142 miles away from my home. Thats the furthest I've been away from my Home and my "true north" or is it "true east" now ;)

40. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Hmm....I can burp anytime I want...hehe...I can cook which I think is a special talent for a Pakistani male...I can come up with weird, sometimes exciting, sometimes novel words for all acronyms or abbreviations...I can get you out of a bluey mood by becoming a joker or doing something stupid that makes you smile :)

41. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
EVRRYONE who reads this blog...Won't name them for privacy's sake but you know who you are :P

42. WHATS THE TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH AT THE MOMENT?
Pringles: sour cream and onions mixed with diet coke :S

43 HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Lol...That my friends is a chapter in the book of my life that is yet to be written :) When it happens, it would be more like:

Woh Pehli Baar Jab Ham Mile Hathon Mein Haath Jab ham chale
Hogaya yeh dil deewana, hota hai pyar kya kisne jaana...

Song of the day: Sometimes love just ain't enough

Now, I don't wanna lose you,
But I don't wanna use you,
Just to have somebody by my side.

And I don't wanna hate you, I don't wanna take you,
But I don't wanna be the one to cry...
And it don't really matter, to anyone, anymore..
But like a fool I keep loosin' my place...
And I keep seeing you walk through that door...

There's a danger in lovin' somebody too much,
And it's sad when you know, its your heart you can't trust,
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are,
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough...

And I could never change you, but I don't wanna blame you,
Baby, you don't have to take the phone...

Yes I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you,
Maybe I just wanna have it all...

It makes a sound like thunder...It makes me feel like rain...
And like a fool who'll never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change...

There's a danger in lovin' somebody too much,
And its sad when you know its your heart you can't trust,
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are...
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough...

And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone...
All the things that you wanted to say, and do you feel me besides you in your bed,
There besides you, where I used to lay...

And there's a danger in lovin' somebody too much,
And its sad when you know its your heart they can't touch,
And there's a reason why people don't stay who they are,
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough..

Oh, Oh, No, Oh...

-Patti Smith and Don Healey

Key: Italics = girl singing
Bold = guy singing

Funny cheesy FB group description: I totally agree :)

You think about it all the time.

Every seven seconds? MORE.

You talk about it, brag and make jokes.
"oh man, you won't even believe how many hours it lasted."
"you're kidding! All I got last night was a five minute quickie!"

The fact of the matter is, you NEED it.

We all have our "requirements." Our "quotas."

Don't be ashamed.

It's perfectly natural!

And, like it or not, everyone does it.

Our grandparents did it... Oprah does it... In fact, your mom is probably doing it right now.

And if you don't get enough?

You're not alone.

The nights are the worst.

That's when you walk down the halls knowing that EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS GETTIN' SOME.





Sleep: the sex of our generation.

...the nights are the worst...

Join it now: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?ref=sgm&id=685455642#/group.php?gid=2207394463
:)

I've lost my mojo...

No, No, No...Its not what you think...Its not the Austin Power's version of mojo...In fact mojo is just something that has magical properties and is considered a good luck charm...And in my geeky dorky world, that's my cell phone, my blackberry...For the purpose of this blog entry I will refrain from calling him an "it" and will from hencforth call it a "him" in respect of his companionship.. I affectionately call him stormy when I have private moments with him ;)...Its been so loyal and faithful to me for the last 12 months, always there for a quick sms, an isntant fb reply, a status update or just random browsing on the internet when I'm in the middle of some boring routine in a classroom....Sadly, yesterday, I tried to update his software through a patch and it suffered a massive glitch...Its amazing touchscreen became blank, totally black and without the screen functioning or lighting up, a touchscreen phone is totally useless...I tried to google all the forums, called up vodafone helpline, even thought of giving it some kind of mouth to mouth resuscitation (jk!!!), but sadly nothing seemed to work...In the end, I had to drop it off to a Vodafone store and they said it will be fixed and returned by the 30th...So I'm going to be without stormy for a whole week :'(...I'm literally digitally handicapped till then...No phone can take his place...Ahhh, please pray for his well-being and health...I don't want them to give me that depressing call: Sorry, we tried our best but nothing could be done to save him...

Atleast, as a consolation, I do have my stormy insured and the bank says it will cover any loss, damage, theft uptil £2,000...But still, no one can be like my stormy, not even a newer slicker version i.e.storm 2...Please remember stormy in your prayers!!!

Aik Alif...Coke Studio Noori and Saieen Zahoor

PUNJABI LYRICS + ENGLISH TRANSLATION

(Saieen Zahoor)
Pur pur ilm te fazal hoyo
You read to become all knowledgable
Ve kadi apne aap nu parya nai
But you never read yourself
bajh bajh varnaye mandar-e-maseeti
You run to enter your mosques and temples
Va kadi mann apne vich varya nai
But you never entered your own heart
Larna Roooz
Everyday
Shaitaan de naal
You fight satan
De kaday sapnay naal larya naai
But you never fight yourself
Bulleh Shah asmaani udhiyaan phiro naai
Bulleh Shah, you try grabbing that which is in the sky
Ve jera ghar betha unhoun phariya naai
But you never get hold of what's inside your own house
Bas ik karee oh yaar ilumu
Stop seeking this knowledge (of the world) my friend
Bas ik karee oh yaar ilumu
Stop this seeking my friend
Aik alif tere darker
Only an alif (beginning or oneness) is what you need
Aik alif tere darker; haq
Only an alif (beginning or oneness) is what you need; truth
Allah saieenya
God beloved

(Ali Noor begins)
Nii mein jaana
I'm going along
Jogi de naal
With the devotional one

(Ali Hamza begins) [My Fav Part]
Jo na janay
One who doesn't know...
Haq ki taqat
The strength of truth
Rab na deway us ko hemat
God won't give them the strength
Hum mann ke dariya mein doobay
We are drowning in our own selves
Kaisi nayya, kya manjhdhaar; haq
There are no boats, nor storms; only truth

Courtesy: http://www.koolmuzone.com/forum/lyrics-and-guitar-tabs/lyrics-noori-saieen-zahoor-aik-alif/?PHPSESSID=b4405051525154c4c5db877997eb10e7

Excerpts from the documentary-Al Ghazali: Alchemist of Happiness

There is a knowing pain in the soul and it does not go away and one of the tragic aspects of human existence is that when we remove God from our search..Whatever we call God; if the Buddhists talk about Ultimate Reality or Ultimate Concern, this is still coming of approximately our understanding of God..God is the Ultimate Concern...If we remove the Ultimate Concern from our lives, we have to find substitutes...This is human nature..We will find substitutes to fill that hollow space within man because man is essentially a hollow being...

-Sheikh Hamza Yousuf describing the nature (fitrah) of man in the documentary Al Ghazali: Alchemist of Happiness

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ghazali repeatedly makes the point that one of the main veil that keeps people from seeing God is religious fanaticism...He says it doesn't matter too much which school of Islamic law you follow...There are different theological positions that are valid to adopt...Try and be orthodox, infact, it is necessary to be orthodox BUT whatever you do, don't turn into some kind of a zealot, so that religion just becomes a way of feeling that you are better than everyone else and thereby veils you from God...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Imam Ghazali-The Alchemist of Happiness

“In God, there is no sorrow or suffering or affliction. If you want to be free of all affliction and suffering, hold fast to God, and turn wholly to Him, and to no one else. Indeed, all your suffering comes from this: that you do not turn toward God and no one else.”

“If your intention in seeking knowledge is between God Most High and yourself and not merely to gain information, then rejoice! The Angels will spread out their wings for you while you walk, and the creatures in the sea will ask God to pardon you.”
[Imam Al’Ghazali in his Bidaya al Hidaya]

"The happiness of the drop is to die in the river."

"If the first inward thought is not warded off, it will generate a desire,
then the desire will generate a wish, and the wish will generate an intention,
and the intention will generate the action, and the action will result in ruin and divine wrath.
So evil must be cut off at its root, which is when it is simply a thought that crosses the mind, from which all the other things follow on."

"The first step to self-knowledge is to know that thou art composed of an
outward shape, called the body, and an inward entity called the heart, or
soul. By "heart" I do not mean the piece of flesh situated in the left of
our bodies, but that which uses all the other faculties as its instruments
and servants. In truth it does not belong to the visible world, but to the
invisible, and has come into this world as a traveler visits a foreign
country for the sake of merchandise, and will presently return to its
native land. It is the knowledge of this entity and its attributes which is
the key to the knowledge of God."

"Know, O beloved, that man was not created in jest or at random, but marvelously made and for some great end. Although he is not the form everlasting, yet he lives for ever; and though his body is mean and earthly, yet his Lofty and the spirit is divine "

"... A man should say to his soul every morning," God has given thee twenty-four treasures; take Heed lest thou lose anyone of them, for thou wilt not be able to endure the regret that such losses will follow. "
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Watch all 13 parts of this amazing documentary titled "Ghazali: The Alchemist of Happiness" (on youtube) that sheds lights onto the life and philosophies of Imam-Ghazali

Ghalib ki ghazal..comparative music studies

For those of you who still read this blog, this post is just on ghalibs' amazing short ghazal: dil-e-nadaan which has been sung by all these wonderful musicians in their very own unique styles...Happy listening!!!
















Dil-e-naadaan tujhe huaa kyaa hai
aaKhir is dard kii davaa kyaa hai

ham hain mushtaaq aur vo bezaar
yaa ilaahii ye maajaraa kyaa hai

main bhii muu.Nh me.n zabaan rakhataa huun
kaash puuchho ki muddaa kyaa hai

jab ki tujh bin nahiin koii maujuud
phir ye ha.ngaamaa, ai Khudaa kyaa hai

hamako unase vafaa kii hai ummiid
jo nahiin jaanate vafaa kyaa hai

ENGLISH TRANSLATION-

Innocent heart, what has happened to you?
Alas, what is the cure to this pain?

We are interested, and they are displeased,
Oh Lord, what is this affair?

I too possess a tongue-
just ask me what I want to say.

Though there is none present without you,
then oh God, what is this noise about?

I expected faith from those
who do not even know what faith is.

Stages of Friendship..

I was just doing some research on different psycho-social theories on friendships. Basically when you move away from your old roots, you experience the gradual decline in the level of contact you had with your old friends...In addition, you tend to meet new people, develop acquaintances in your new place of residence, work etc. Its a dynamic process. Its not that the strength of old friendships weaken or anything like that. Instead, lets just say you're used to a certain dosage of being in contact and due to your work, hectic routine and time zone differences, you cannot maintain that recommended dosage of contact with your old friends. As a result, you tend to meet other people and try to befriend them. The key ingredients of compatibility, trust and common interests are forged by familiarity as time progresses. Some historically documented theories of friendship are as follows:

Social Penetration Theory:

As relationships develop, they penetrate deeper and deeper into private and personal matters. This exposes vulnerabilities, so trust has to be developed along the way.

Penetration goes through a number of stages.

1. Orientation stage. Here, we play safe with small talk and simple, harmless clichés like ‘Life’s like that’, following standards of social desirability and norms of appropriateness.

2. Exploratory affective stage. We now start to reveal ourselves, expressing personal attitudes about moderate topics such as government and education. This may not be the whole truth as we are not yet comfortable to lay ourselves bare. We are still feeling our way forward. This is the stage of casual friendship, and many relationships do not go past this stage.

3. Affective stage. Now we start to talk about private and personal matters. We may use personal idioms. Criticism and arguments may arise. There may be intimate touching and kissing at this stage.

4. Stable stage. The relationship now reaches a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person.

5. Depenetration. When the relationship starts to break down and costs exceed benefits, then there is a withdrawal of disclosure which leads to termination of the relationship.

Stage Theory

Stage theories in general describe how we go through distinct stages as we develop. Thus, rather than gradually changing, we typically make sudden shifts to different plateaus of perception and behavior. This may be associated with 'aha's of sudden understanding.
Levinger's Relationship Stage Theory

Relationships go through a series of stages as they mature. Levinger's model has ABCDE stages.

A = Acquaintance/attraction. We meet other people and feel an initial attraction, often based on physical beauty and similarity.

B = Build-up. We become increasingly interdependent as we reveal more and more about our private selves. We get irritated by one another, but the more pleasant aspects may well keep the relationship going.

C = Continuation/consolidation. Longer-term commitments are made, such as marriage. The partnership enters what may be a life-long stable relationship.

D = Deterioration. Many relationships decay, due to several factors. These include relative effort, rewards, barriers to exit (such as marriage and social obligation) and the availability of alternatives.

E = Ending. The relationship ends when partners agree to separate or one leaves.

Stimulus-Value-Role Model:

Description

We select our friends and close partners through a three-stage model, filtering out those who do not fit at each stage. All elements may well be important throughout the relationship, but their relative importance changes.

In the stimulus stage, we evaluate the other person in terms of physical attributes. A man, for example, may be struck by the beauty of a buxom, blonde woman. We are generally attracted to people of a similar age, appearance and ethnicity.

In the value stage, we compare their values with ours and decide whether we are sufficiently compatible to continue the relationship. In particular, we look at attitudes towards religion, sex, careers, families and gender differences.

In the role stage, we share out the activities to build a working relationship. It helps if preferences for these are complementary (you do this and I’ll do that), although role attitudes need to be similar.

Terminating Relationships:

Description

There are several ways to break up a relationship. The results of some research are given here.

Cody’s survey of experience showed alternative strategies:

* Positive tone: ‘I still like you, but…’
* Verbal de-escalation: ‘I’m don’t love you any more.’
* Behavioral de-escalation: Avoiding contact. Seeing them less often.
* Negative identity management: ‘We each should see other people…’
* Justification: ‘This relationship is not giving me what I want.’

Duck shows a four phase model:

1. Relationship phase. The relationship is fairly healthy, but dissatisfaction builds up with feelings of ‘there’s something wrong.’ Eventually The ‘I can’t stand it any more’ feelings build up to a point which catapults you into the breakdown stages.
2. Intrapsychic phase. Nothing much is said, but now the focus is on the faults of the other partner. Evidence is sought by which they can be blamed for any problems. When enough evidence is accumulated, the person feels justified in withdrawing.
3. Dyadic phase. The breakdown now comes out into the open, either with one person saying ‘I’m leaving’ or ‘I’m thinking of leaving’. Reality must now be faced by both partners and intensive discussions may ensue. The focus here is on the partnership. Eventually the pressure of ‘I really mean it’ breaks out and it becomes a public issue.
4. Social phase. Now the focus turns outwards to the perceptions of other people. Friends may be recruited to either camp and entire social groups may break into open battles of who is to blame and what should be done. Eventually, it becomes inevitable that the split will happen and things move on to the next phase.

There can also be a fifth phase:

5. Grave-dressing phase. The relationship now gets its official burying, with explanations all in place (true or otherwise).

Meri Zaat Zara-e-benishaan episode 4

zSHARE video - merizaat4.flv

Nice Article...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/19/world/asia/19ali.html?_r=2&partner=rss&emc=rss

Mona Liza in Iraq

Song of the day :)

Snow Quotes...

"There is nothing in the world more beautiful than the forest clothed to its very hollows in snow. It is the still ecstasy of nature, wherein every spray, every blade of grass, every spire of reed, every intricacy of twig, is clad with radiance.”
-William Sharp

“Advice is like snow; the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into, the mind.”
-Samuel Taylor

“Kindness is like snow - it beautifies everything it covers
-Unknown

“The snow itself is lonely or, if you prefer, self-sufficient. There is no other time when the whole world seems composed of one thing and one thing only.”
-Joseph Wood

"Genius is an African who dreams up snow."
-Vladimir Nabokov

“Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.”
-Earl Wilson

First Snow of the season...

There's something intensely serene and peaceful about snowfall...Its in the way you watch it coming down infront of you and gradually fall onto the tip of your outstretched hands...The way it fills the whole city in this big white blanket of purity, as if all the dirt and filth is covered by this angelic, almost heavenly cover of purity...Somehow whenever I think of heaven, I think of the colour white or green...As if it would be in the midst of clouds, snow whiteness and meadows or pastures of greenery...Another thing you notice about snowfall is that its really quiet and silent compared to the spluttering sound of rain, unless there is a snow blizzard of course...I love snow fall...I still get that childlike excitement on seeing snow and feel this massive urge to have a snow fight...And I did the one thing that was missing on my taglist in an earlier post: I let a snow flake fall on my tongue...Was mazay ka ;)

There is one downside of having a snowday: the post snow slush on the roads...My flatmate sms'ed me that he slipped twice on the slush...It happened to me last year as well but then I used science to my advantage...The theory of "survival of the fittest" should now be changed to "survival of the dorkiest/nerdiest"...Basically there are two main steps that you should follow...Firstly, instead of walking full macho with long drawn out steps, you should walk with small weighed out steps, the kind which Tom would take in Tom & Jerry whenever he tried to sneak up on Jerry without being noticed or whenever he tried to avoid waking the nasty dog up...The scientific reasoning behind it is that our legs are like a lever on the ground with the whole fulcrum bit...So the more force you apply on a longer drawn out step, the more torque it generates as (Torque= Force x Length (from fulcrum)..So, that makes it easier for you to slip off on a slippery surface...Secondly you should try to walk with bent knees...The logic behind this is simple...Bending lowers your centre of gravity...This increases your stability...More stable=less likely to fall or slip and even if you do you can correct it instantly....Lastly always try to wear shoes with rough craggy tire like surface...I know there are special snow boots but you can't quite wear them to work plus it doesn't snow as much here as it does in places like Canada or US...So the craggy shoe surface ensures that the friction is such that the grip on the slippery surface is enhanced...So elimentary my dear watson's and sheeda's and meeda's...

That concludes our late night science lesson...Lets hope my gora friends here get to see their much favored white Christmas Inshallah :)

Ghazal of the night....

God's love vs man's love

I read this quote on my 11 year old sister's msn status...It is quite deep...I wonder if she got it or not...Who knows how mature girls get at this age :)

God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages.
-Jacques Deval

Laugh your guts out...

I'm just so inspired by the sarcastic ironic style of writing on this website...Have a look yourself and enjoy!!!

http://mailatimes.com/

Shutar Murgh...

Following on from the previous post, I felt the need to inform you that in urdu ostriches are called: "Shutar Murgh"...Judging by this video, shutar murghs can be quite cool ;)

Ostrich Burgers...

There's a german christmas market in town these days where so many delicacies are on offer for shoppers and visitors to savour...Ofcourse 99% of them are haram save the jacket potatoes and some veggie noodles...But its still all quite colorful, crowded and very festive...There was a stall offering these huge ostrich burgers and it stated so many benefits of ostrich meat compared to regular meat types...So, I did some googling on these benefits and here they are:

1) Ostrich has less than half the fat of chicken and two-thirds less fat than beef and pork.
2) Ostrich has less cholesterol than beef, chicken, pork, or lamb
3) Ostrich has less calories than beef, chicken, pork, turkey or lamb
4) Ostrich has more iron than beef, chicken, pork, turkey or lamb. Its greater iron content is seen in the deeper red color of ostrich meat.
5) Ostrich meat is naturally rich in protein and contains no marbled fat.
6)Ostrich meat does not attract harmful bacteria like E-coli or salmonella because of ostrich's ideal pH balance.

So basically,if you want to eat red meat for your protein requirement, ostrich meat is your healthy choice. Ostrich meat is a red meat that is nearly identical to beef in appearance, texture and taste but without the unhealthy qualities associated with beef. Ostrich meat is already a popular menu item at upscale restaurant worldwide; it will soon be "the premier red meat of the next century."

Next I did some further research on whether in Islamic fiqh terms, ostrich meat is halal and I got the following useful list for halal/haram animals/meat types for future reference purposes:

Animals whose meat is Halal:

1) Camel

2) Goat

3) Sheep

4) Buffalo

5) Stag

6) Rabbit

7) Cow (including mountain cow)

8) Wild-ass (The prohibition in the Hadith is of domesticated donkeys)

[Haha...the wild-ass one cracked me up...Immediately in my devious head, I thought what if a hubby goes to his wife before going for work saying: "Honey, I want some wild ass tonight (pause)for dinner and smiles cheekily ;)]

9) Fish (of all types, including prawns according to those who consider prawns to be a form of fish. Others however, don’t permit its consumption, for they don’t consider prawns to be from the fish family)

10) Deer/Antelope/Gazelle

11) Duck

12) Heron (grey or white wading bird with long neck and long legs and (usually) long bill).

13) Nightingale

14) Quail

15) Parrot

16) Francolin

17) Locust (I know some of you would have already tried this one :P)

18) Partridge (heavy-bodied small-winged South American game bird)

19) Lark (North American yellow-breasted songbirds)

20) Sparrow

21) Goose

22) Ostrich

23) Dove

24) Pigeon

25) Stork

26) Rooster

27) Chicken

28) Peacock

29) Starling

30) Hoopoe (any of several crested Old World birds with a slender down-curving bill, known in Arabic as Hudhud- that was sent by Sayyiduna Suleyman (peace be upon him).

Animals whose meat is Haram:

1) Wolf

2) Hyena

3) Cat

4) Monkey

5) Scorpion

6) Leopard

7) Tiger

8) Cheetah

9) Lion

10) Jerboa

11) Bear

12) Swine/pig

13) Squirrel

14) Hedgehog

15) Snake

16) Tortoise/Turtle

17) Dog

18) Crab

19) Jackal

20) Donkey (domesticated)

21) Lizard (The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) forbade the eating of a Lizard. Recorded by Imam Abu Dawud in his Sunan from Abd al-Rahman ibn Shibl (Allah be pleased with him). Hadith no: 3790)

22) Fox

23) Crocodile

24) Weasel

25) Elephant (Radd al-Muhtar, 6/306)

26) Falcon

27) Hawk

28) Kite

29) Bat

30) Vulture

31) Mouse

32) Rat

33) All insects, such as a Mosquito, Fly, Wasp, Spider, Beetle, etc.

Lol! Apparently you can also eat locusts if you ever have the craving :P...Now, basically after establishing that ostrich meat is halal, all that needs to be done is to open up an ostrich farm and an associated meat processing plant and wala, we have a nice unique business idea targeting the ever increasing muslim populations of Europe and N.America. Plus it would also fulfil the needs of the health and fitness conscious people by pointing out all these health benefits compared to conventional meats. Now, all I need are some investors and wala we have a new business and I'm sure that it can be really successful if one plays the cards well...Any takers? ;)

P.S: Oh and I forgot to mention the other associated product line...Ostrich eggs duh!...One egg enough for a whole family's breakfast ;)...On second thought, ostriches do look quite ugly waisay...What say u?