Stages of Friendship..

I was just doing some research on different psycho-social theories on friendships. Basically when you move away from your old roots, you experience the gradual decline in the level of contact you had with your old friends...In addition, you tend to meet new people, develop acquaintances in your new place of residence, work etc. Its a dynamic process. Its not that the strength of old friendships weaken or anything like that. Instead, lets just say you're used to a certain dosage of being in contact and due to your work, hectic routine and time zone differences, you cannot maintain that recommended dosage of contact with your old friends. As a result, you tend to meet other people and try to befriend them. The key ingredients of compatibility, trust and common interests are forged by familiarity as time progresses. Some historically documented theories of friendship are as follows:

Social Penetration Theory:

As relationships develop, they penetrate deeper and deeper into private and personal matters. This exposes vulnerabilities, so trust has to be developed along the way.

Penetration goes through a number of stages.

1. Orientation stage. Here, we play safe with small talk and simple, harmless clichés like ‘Life’s like that’, following standards of social desirability and norms of appropriateness.

2. Exploratory affective stage. We now start to reveal ourselves, expressing personal attitudes about moderate topics such as government and education. This may not be the whole truth as we are not yet comfortable to lay ourselves bare. We are still feeling our way forward. This is the stage of casual friendship, and many relationships do not go past this stage.

3. Affective stage. Now we start to talk about private and personal matters. We may use personal idioms. Criticism and arguments may arise. There may be intimate touching and kissing at this stage.

4. Stable stage. The relationship now reaches a plateau in which personal things are shared and each can predict the emotional reactions of the other person.

5. Depenetration. When the relationship starts to break down and costs exceed benefits, then there is a withdrawal of disclosure which leads to termination of the relationship.

Stage Theory

Stage theories in general describe how we go through distinct stages as we develop. Thus, rather than gradually changing, we typically make sudden shifts to different plateaus of perception and behavior. This may be associated with 'aha's of sudden understanding.
Levinger's Relationship Stage Theory

Relationships go through a series of stages as they mature. Levinger's model has ABCDE stages.

A = Acquaintance/attraction. We meet other people and feel an initial attraction, often based on physical beauty and similarity.

B = Build-up. We become increasingly interdependent as we reveal more and more about our private selves. We get irritated by one another, but the more pleasant aspects may well keep the relationship going.

C = Continuation/consolidation. Longer-term commitments are made, such as marriage. The partnership enters what may be a life-long stable relationship.

D = Deterioration. Many relationships decay, due to several factors. These include relative effort, rewards, barriers to exit (such as marriage and social obligation) and the availability of alternatives.

E = Ending. The relationship ends when partners agree to separate or one leaves.

Stimulus-Value-Role Model:

Description

We select our friends and close partners through a three-stage model, filtering out those who do not fit at each stage. All elements may well be important throughout the relationship, but their relative importance changes.

In the stimulus stage, we evaluate the other person in terms of physical attributes. A man, for example, may be struck by the beauty of a buxom, blonde woman. We are generally attracted to people of a similar age, appearance and ethnicity.

In the value stage, we compare their values with ours and decide whether we are sufficiently compatible to continue the relationship. In particular, we look at attitudes towards religion, sex, careers, families and gender differences.

In the role stage, we share out the activities to build a working relationship. It helps if preferences for these are complementary (you do this and I’ll do that), although role attitudes need to be similar.

Terminating Relationships:

Description

There are several ways to break up a relationship. The results of some research are given here.

Cody’s survey of experience showed alternative strategies:

* Positive tone: ‘I still like you, but…’
* Verbal de-escalation: ‘I’m don’t love you any more.’
* Behavioral de-escalation: Avoiding contact. Seeing them less often.
* Negative identity management: ‘We each should see other people…’
* Justification: ‘This relationship is not giving me what I want.’

Duck shows a four phase model:

1. Relationship phase. The relationship is fairly healthy, but dissatisfaction builds up with feelings of ‘there’s something wrong.’ Eventually The ‘I can’t stand it any more’ feelings build up to a point which catapults you into the breakdown stages.
2. Intrapsychic phase. Nothing much is said, but now the focus is on the faults of the other partner. Evidence is sought by which they can be blamed for any problems. When enough evidence is accumulated, the person feels justified in withdrawing.
3. Dyadic phase. The breakdown now comes out into the open, either with one person saying ‘I’m leaving’ or ‘I’m thinking of leaving’. Reality must now be faced by both partners and intensive discussions may ensue. The focus here is on the partnership. Eventually the pressure of ‘I really mean it’ breaks out and it becomes a public issue.
4. Social phase. Now the focus turns outwards to the perceptions of other people. Friends may be recruited to either camp and entire social groups may break into open battles of who is to blame and what should be done. Eventually, it becomes inevitable that the split will happen and things move on to the next phase.

There can also be a fifth phase:

5. Grave-dressing phase. The relationship now gets its official burying, with explanations all in place (true or otherwise).