Yet I still don't know how to describe myself. Isn't it different for every context? Should I be described by my personality traits and habits? Should I describe myself based on my socio-nationalistic-religious affinities? Should I try and list out what I've achieved so far in life so that a lay man just randomly coming across my blog can make a judgment call on "who he is"? Or more importantly should I describe who/what I want to be, what I want to achieve and what my aspirations and aims in life are? Even better, I can go the facebook route and just state the movies, books, music, poems I love and see if people can judge who I am based on that.
Lets start with the basics. If we apply the principle of Occam's razor, the simplest explanation is usually the best one. So here goes my lame attempt at that:
I'm a guy...alright don't go "like duh"...I still have mails in my inbox from work collegues who thought that I had a girls' name just coz those dumbutts never heard an arabic name like that before. So its essential that I clear that upfront. I belong to the not-so-fairer gender inhabiting the globe. I'm not exactly an alpha-male. Although in the animal kingdom that means the dominant male, but in my dictionary of earthbound humans, these are the casanova's, players, playboys of the world. I'm one of those nice, decent, nerdy guys who try to remain low profile and under the radar so that they can follow their nerdy-geeky pursuits of books, comics, video games and plans of dominating the world someday like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. I believe the 21st century is about the "triumph of the nerds" and I hope against hopes that someday I will have my very own triumph as well (God willing).
While describing oneself, it is crucial that you describe your roots, where you come from. By faith I'm a muslim. I believe that there is a God and that when all is done and dusted, everyone of us will return to the Creator. I might sound like I'm strict and follow my faith word by word. But like all humans, I am weak. I fall and have periods of weak faith. All that keeps me going is that "I try my best".
I lived the first decade of my life in the land of the sheikhs where oil was cheaper than water. I don't know how it might have affected who I am but its important in understanding where I come from. Living as an expat in a middle eastern country meant lots of get-together's, dawats, and sence of fraternity and unity amongst the expat subcontinent families there. I had happy childhood memories of picnics, going to the seaside, cycling, riding horses and annual visits to Pakistan, my maaaather country :) (I never get why don't they also call it father country as well :S..i think a nation/country is a she but WHY!!!!
I am a Pakistani. Despite all its faults, all its problems, all its imperfections and no matter what the rest of the world says, I love Pakistan, my country with all my heart and soul. It is the only place I can truly call "my own", the only place where I belong and no matter where life takes me I will never forget my roots, my motherland, the place where I grew up in and where I spent the most amazing time of my life and treasured my most precious memories.It has given me the most important aspect of who I am: "my identity". Someday, I long to return to Pakistan and give something back. Lets see if life gives me the opportunity to do that. Lets hope I don't just end up as another brain drained out to the west.
I am who I am because of the people who came in my life. I am my mommy's boy. She was the one who made sure I attempted to become the best in everything I tried. She was the one who egged me on, who motivated me, who sometimes even resorted to bribing me with food treats if I studied, if I excelled in some extra-curricular activity. Without her constant carrot and stick tactics of teaching me the lessons of life early on, I wouldn't have come across this far and become whatever or whoever I am today. It shouldn't take a mothers day to thank one's mom. So today, officially, I'm locking this fact in the typed word. Thank you mom for everything. I know I cannot ever repay you back for what you've done for me. All I can do is try being the son you can be proud of.
Another important aspect of who I am is the fact that I'm the eldest brother to a set of 4 siblings whose age range from 10-19. Its too difficult. Not only do I have the burden of being a role model for all them, someone who look up to them but I also have to make sure they don't literally kill each other due to their bickering and ramblings. I think it's one of the most difficult roles in the world especially if most of them hate you inherently because of the fact that you over-achieved and parents always expect them to match and/or exceed the example set by you. However, I have felt that distance has indeed made the hearts grow fonder. Lately, I actually do get the vibes that perhaps, they really do think I'm their big bro, but I might be wrong. It might be their clever trick to get extra pocket money off of me. Still, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt, at least for the time being.
When I came over from the Middle East to settle in Pakistan, I did not have much of a grasp of English. The most I had written as essays were 10 lines on my school, my friend etc. I can't forget to thank all the teachers who in their own special ways, over the course of time managed to make me read books and encouraged me to write. I know I'm still a lousy writer to say the least but its still way better than writing rudimentary 10 sentence essays.
My biggest achievements in life till date if any have been mostly in the boring-banal academic field. After all, once a nerd always a nerd. The only non-academic things I can think of are my attempts to play cricket on a regular basis, occasional short-lasting bursts of gym visits.
I do profess the fact that in the four years I spent in Uni, I managed to watch a lotttttttt of American tv series and by alot i really mean ALOT...from macho series like lost, 24, prison break, entourage, band of brothers to the series followed by the not so macho crowd OC, One tree hill, greys anatomy, desperate housewives, gossip girl etc, I have watched plenty...I don't know how it fits into who I am but I do have this ability to talk on hours upon hours about these TV shows..
I don't watch movies with the same intensity as the TV series. I have a short attention span. Sitting for 2 hrs and trying to figure out the whole story is something that I do only when I know it would be a good movie...So imdb and the other review sites have a lot of say in the movies I watch...However, if someone was to ask me about movies that actually made an impact on my life and if I had to chose 5, they would be:
1) Braveheart
2) Before Sunrise
3) Requiem for a dream
4) V for Vandetta
5) Black (Indian bollywood movie)
I don't know why I randomly chose them. There might be others too but at the first instance these came to my mind. Others I can think of NOW might include Patch Adams, Goodwill Hunting, A Beautiful Mind, Dil Chahta hai...Its difficult to list everything down in top 5. I guess it just gets to show I'm not so good in decision making :S
I love music. I live and breathe music and for me there is no better feeling than finding a new song or rediscovering an old one. The best part is when you share the song with others and they love it as much as you. But i don't restrict myslef to any particular genre or singers. For me the lyrics of a song are more important than its overall beat. I know its weird but thats how things work for me. If the lyrics hit the right place of the heart, I manage to tolerate the singing. I wont list any favourite songs right now but if I had to list two songs that I loved and had in my playlist recently they would be:
1) Chal diyay by zeb and haniya (coke studio version)
2) Let me take you there (plain white t)
For those of you who believe in horoscopes, the thing about me is that I dont have one. I'm in the cusp of two stars. So basically, no point in reading them if one newspaper says you're a scorpio and the other considers you a libra. Thus, I'm confused in that regards.
One thing people notice about me is that I am reallyyy curious. I still have the curiosity of an 8 year old kid. I still ask alottt of questions and perhaps that is one purpose that this blog will serve: to help me answer my own questions. I know curioisity killed the cat but I'd rather ask and die than to have not asked at all. If you want to judge the sort of questions that might come to my mind then think of this one: "Why the freaking hell do we have pubic hair...why oh why?? I mean was it some sort of punishment by God or some joke? I know someone will come up with medical reasons to support their utility, but still...i'd go by russell peters words that it was a joke by God to see how us south asians reacted if we were placed in the hottest parts of the world, made to eat the spiciest curries and had a plethora of pubic hair and that too when loadshedding was to become a norm of life...:P...i know i'm crazy...i've been told quite a few times but it won't stop me from asking questions :)
I'm a workaholic, sort of a perfectionist in the work I do. I believe in hardwork. I really believe genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Hardwark always pays off, sooner or later. I didn't get through college and uni just on my brain power. Infact its quite inferior to the really smart people out there. I just had a good work ethic, plain and simple: Thou shalt work thou arse off!!!
I'm a liberalist. I believe in the principle of live and let live. To each his own.
I'm an optimist by default. I always have a way of looking at the brighter side in the end.
I believe in dreaming and having high hopes and aims. Without them one would never get anywhere in life.
I think I'm a romantic at heart, although I wouldn't ever confess it unless someone forcefully extorted out of me. I believe in happy endings and true NIRVANA :)
I believe in the principle of karma. What goes around comes around. Good actions result in good things happening to you and vice versa.
I think that the best way to spend life is to try and make the people around you happy. Making someone smile is the biggest charity. For a moment atleast it makes them less worried about the problems of their lives. If everyday is spent in the pursuit of making "others" happy, your happiness would be a natural outcome. Atleast it would give one peace of mind. For me it works.
The biggest blessing in life is to have good friends. Fortunately, I have been blessed over time with great friends and friendships that have stood the tests of time and adversity. Still I try everyday to find someone new, to discover the beauty of someone else's personality, to make a new friend. Yet I never forget the people who I once called friends, no matter how much the physical distances might be, no matter how long after they contact me, I try to be there for them and do whatever is in my power to give them any kind of support they want.
The truth is that we never get to know who we truly are. It is always a never-ending quest. Nothing is set in stone. Life is so dynamic. Each day adds another color to the canvas of our lives. Some wise ass philosopher once said: "we are the sum total of our experiences".
I always used to love the sufi poems pondering on the purpose or identity of man on earth and I would end this post on that note by quoting this poem by baba bulleh shah (famous sufi punjabi poet)
| Na maen momin vich maseet aan Na maen vich kufar diyan reet aan Na maen paakaan vich paleet aan Na maen moosa na pharaun. Bulleh! ki jaana maen kaun Na maen andar ved kitaab aan, Na vich bhangaan na sharaab aan Na vich rindaan masat kharaab aan Na vich jaagan na vich saun. Bulleh! ki jaana maen kaun. Na vich shaadi na ghamnaaki Na maen vich paleeti paaki Na maen aabi na maen khaki Na maen aatish na maen paun Bulleh!, ki jaana maen kaun Na maen arabi na lahori Na maen hindi shehar nagauri Na hindu na turak peshawri Na maen rehnda vich nadaun Bulla, ki jaana maen kaun Na maen bheth mazhab da paaya Ne maen aadam havva jaaya Na maen apna naam dharaaya Na vich baitthan na vich bhaun Bulleh , ki jaana maen kaun Avval aakhir aap nu jaana Na koi dooja hor pehchaana Maethon hor na koi siyaana Bulla! ooh khadda hai kaun Bulla, ki jaana maen kaun | Not a believer inside the mosque, am I Nor a pagan disciple of false rites Not the pure amongst the impure Neither Moses, nor the Pharoh Bulleh! to me, I am not known Not in the holy Vedas, am I Nor in opium, neither in wine Not in the drunkard`s craze Niether awake, nor in a sleeping daze Bulleh! to me, I am not known In happiness nor in sorrow, am I Neither clean, nor a filthy mire Not from water, nor from earth Neither fire, nor from air, is my birth Bulleh! to me, I am not known Not an Arab, nor Lahori Neither Hindi, nor Nagauri Hindu, Turk (Muslim), nor Peshawari Nor do I live in Nadaun Bulleh! to me, I am not known Secrets of religion, I have not known From Adam and Eve, I am not born I am not the name I assume Not in stillness, nor on the move Bulleh! to me, I am not known I am the first, I am the last None other, have I ever known I am the wisest of them all Bulleh! do I stand alone? Bulleh! to me, I am not known |
Having gone this far down the blogpost, you must have realized that I don't understand the concept of summary or word limits. Infact my friends would just call it a "writing diarrhea"..I'd just say: "whatever"...its my blog. I can do whatever I want. So buzz off :P...jk
This blog is for all the lost souls out there who are,like me, still trying to figure out who they are. Worse comes to worse, atleast someone might get a few laughs out of reading this shit (referring to writing diarrhea mentioned above :)
ciao
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